So, last night I slept. And while I was sleeping, I eventually found myself in the hallucinatory abyss called REM. Not the band. Anyhow, my subconscious, which is notorious for providing me with crazy-ass food-related dreams, struck again!
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In Dreamland, I was walking around in a creepy forest.

Think creepy as in the evil tree in Fern Gully creepy. That tree scared the hell out of me when I was little. I still get kinda squirmy thinking about it.

Anyhow, me, in a creepy forest, walking. Jade Puget, Jim Morrison, Jerry Garcia, and Brian Molko are there too. Accompanying them is Benjy the dog. Not the ugly guy in Good Charlotte. They are some fucked-up reproduction of Scooby Doo.

I meet up with them and we all do some more walking in the creepy forest. Eventually, we come to a beer factory.

"What the fuck is a Heineken factory doing in the middle of nowhere in the goddamn woods?" says I.

"Duh, that's obviously for us to find out, faggot," says Jerry Garcia.

I then make this face: .

So, like dumbasses, think Scooby Doo, we go to investigate.

We climb up inside the docking bay, where trucks back their trailers up to. It's dusty, it's quiet, it's dark, it's smells like fart. Other than that, nothing significant.

We walk through there into some offices. There is a woman lying on the floor in a pool of blood.

"Oh, FUCK!" says I.

"No shit," says Jade Puget.

Brian Molko just pukes.

"Arf!" says Benjy the dog.

We run. Fast. To the room with the production line and bottling machines.

In this room, which is crowded with machines, is a meatball with stick legs and arms. He holds in one hand a GIGANTIC penis. It's like 8 feet tall and I probably couldn't wrap my arms around it.

"Mah penis is too big," says the meatball.

"This isn't the acid, is it?" asks Jim Morrison.

"Nope," says Jade Puget.

We all look at each other with the aforementioned 'WTF expression' on our faces. Including the Benjy the dog.

"Mah penis is TOO BIG," repeats the meatball.

We back away from the schlong-wielding meatball.

"That is one HUGE cock!" says Brian Molko.

"What, you wanna piece?" Jerry Garcia asks sarcastically.

"MAH PENIS IS TOO BIG!" screams the meatball.

We run. Fast. Again.

We are chased by both the meatball AND the mega-dick, which has now sprouted stick legs and arms, similar to those of the meatball. Only on a larger scale.

"Beam us up, Scotty!" says Benjy the dog.

Beamed up we are.

We briefly arrive on the Starship Enterprise, long enough for Spock to do the whole 'chuck deuce' thing. We are then rebeamed to the creepy-ass forest.

The uber-wang and the meatball are nowhere in sight.

There is a great mutual sigh of relief.

We all walk off on our own to different destinations.

I go to Candy Land and walk the candy road toward the Lollipop Forest.

And then I sit up suddenly in bed, waking up as I do so.
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What. The. Fuck. My vivid dreams get weirder and weirder. Not to mention close to plagiarism. Stealing from Rejected and Scooby Doo is not cool, subconscious, not cool at all.

Signing off,
Jenny